Winning is wonderful, don’t get me wrong. It feels great. But what we really need to encourage our young athletes to think about is whether they’ve worked hard at their sport.

That’s what will make them great at whatever they do, even if they don’t win.

This may seem like a “we’re all winners” kind of attitude, and I know that bothers some people. But I can admit that we aren’t all winners. We don’t all deserve trophies just for playing. That doesn’t mean all the hard work our daughters have put into their sport means nothing.

The focus should always be doing the best she can with her own skills. If it’s a team sport, that includes doing the best possible as a part of the team, not just an individual.

How to Maintain This Attitude?

It’s not easy to keep up the belief that winning isn’t everything if you’re surrounded by people who disagree. But if you don’t want your daughter caught up in the obsession, you’re going to have to do something about it.

This is easiest to start talking about at home, not around all the teammates. You should go at it from both sides, discussing the reasons why people are so concerned with winning and why there’s more to sports than just being the winner or the best on the team.

What About What She Hears from Others?

It’s not going to be easy to keep up this belief if coaches and other parents disagree with you. If possible, find a team and coach that believe as you do. It’s easiest to keep away from this kind of problem if you don’t start right out with them.

But if you’re stuck with it, try having a calm talk about why you prefer to encourage skills over winning. You aren’t going to win everyone over; don’t fool yourself about that. But you can try.

How vocally you can disagree depends on the situation you’re in. If you’re surrounded by parents and coaches obsessed with winning and winning only, speaking up is going to be more uncomfortable and possibly less productive.

Then again, you might find that some quietly agree with you.

However it goes, remember that even the most talented young athlete should not be overdoing it. It’s a path to potential lifelong injuries.

As parents of girls interested in sports, we have to remember to help them keep hydrated and fed. Children don’t always think of these things on their own, and may not be able to recognize the signs of a problem.

There are some simple ways to keep sports activities safer during the summer.

Planning

When possible, avoid outdoor exercise in the hottest parts of the day. This won’t always be possible if you’re in a team sport and things are scheduled when it’s hot, but if you have a say, encourage games and practice times to be early enough in the morning or late enough in the afternoon that the sun and heat aren’t at their peak.

Bring Bottled Water and Sports Drinks

There should always be bottled water available at any sports practice any time of year. During the summer, there should be extra available.

If you’re just providing for your own daughter, think about getting a reusable bottle. My daughter loves my Thermos because the water stays ice cold.

Pick a good sports drink to help replace electrolytes lost through sweating.

Take Advantage of Any Shade Available

If you’re out in the heat of the day, use any shady areas for taking breaks. You won’t often have a good sports field in the shade, so resting in the shade when you have a chance is a good idea. You can always bring your own shelter if it’s allowed for you to set up a canopy.

Don’t Overextend

Fitness is important, but so is sense about how hard you’re working out in the heat. Try to keep exercise a little lighter on the days that it’s really hot.

Wear the Usual Safety Gear

Hot as it is in summer, don’t let your young athlete skip on any safety gear. Better to be sweaty in a helmet than to hit her head with no protection.

Recognize the Warning Signs

Be aware of the signs of dehydration, heat exhaustion,  heat stroke and other problems. As a parent you should be keeping an eye on how your child is coping with the heat. If there are any doubts, speak up!

Heat exhaustion can be noted if your daughter is dizzy, lightheaded, has a headache, nausea, is irritable or has clammy skin. It’s time for an immediate break to recover and cool off. Heat stroke is an emergency, with a temperature over 106 degrees F, flushed skin and no sweat. Immediate medical attention should be sought.

Sports can be continued safely in the summer so long as you take the proper precautions. There’s no reason to limit your daughter’s activities outside completely just because the weather has turned hot.

Do you let her quit or push her to keep going?

This is a tough decision for any parent. You’ve probably spent money signing her up for the sport and on equipment, and it can be hard to see it wasted. There may also be teammates depending on her.

Talk to Her

The first thing to do if you daughter wants to quit a sport she’s been playing is find out why, especially if she was the one to suggest playing it in the first place.

Sometimes the reason will be very good. If the sport is getting in the way of doing well in school, you probably need to let her prioritize her education. Everyone needs a good education, no matter what else they want to do in life.

Sometimes it will be a problem you may be able to do something about. A personality conflict with a coach or another player, for example. If you can work out a solution to the problem she may be interested in continuing to play.

Other times there won’t be much of a reason at all. Maybe she lost interest. Maybe she’s tired of having to run from activity to activity. Maybe it’s not even something she can put into words; she just wants out.

Think About the Lesson She Will Learn

If she wants to quit because she doesn’t think she’s good enough at the sport, is giving up the lesson you want her to learn or would you rather she learn to push through and improve her skills through practice? Or is she being she having troubles where quitting is the better lesson? Think carefully about what you’ll teach her.

Will quitting teach her that it’s okay to let down teammates or will it teach her that sometimes it’s appropriate to do things just for your own benefit?

Consider also how she’s really feeling. Miserable is miserable, and sometimes there’s little to be done for it. Do you want to teach her to ignore her own feelings at all times for others or that sometimes you have to live your own life?

There’s no one right answer to whether or not you should let your daughter quit a sport she’s playing. It depends on a lot of factors. Just be sure that you don’t allow or deny the request without some thought. There are very important lessons to be learned from playing sports, and not all of them come on the playing field or during practice.

Absolutely.

The challenge can be in picking the right course. A single day or two course will help some, but if you can afford it and make the time, a longer self defense course of study such as karate will teach her quite a bit more.

The cost can vary quite a bit. In my area there’s a program that’s just $7 a week, one class per week. That’s not a lot of time in class and the students are expected to do significant amounts of practice at home if they expect to advance. But students do learn, and it’s great for those on a tight budget.

Self defense courses through studios are quite a bit more expensive. One studio we visited was about $100 per month, but the advantage was that students could attend classes any number of days they wanted. Classes were broken up in age ranges, and of course the more often you could get your child in there, the faster she could learn.

Ongoing classes have the advantage either way of building up skills over time. It’s not just a day of learning some theory with a small amount of practice. It’s building up skills and reflexes so that your daughter will really know what she’s doing if she’s ever unfortunate enough to need them.

One odd concern I got from my husband about putting our daughter into self defense classes is that they would somehow make her angry at men. I just don’t understand that idea at all. They aren’t about making women hate men, resent them or anything like that. They’re about being safer, knowing how to handle yourself in a bad situation and there’s a big emphasis on avoiding dangerous situations. I’m just not sure where the “anger” theory came from there. Kind of left me steamed, though.

The real beauty of self defense courses is that the good ones emphasize building self confidence. A girl or woman who is confident has many advantages in life, not just in defending herself. That’s worth the time the classes take all by itself.

They also teach respect. This can be helpful if you have really active kids, such as mine are. It can help them focus better in school and behave better in class.

Take some time and see what’s available in your area. There are many styles of self defense out there. Go to the studio, talk to instructors and get permission to watch a class or so before signing up. Some studios even offer a free class or classes to get your daughter started. Give it a try and see what’s right for your daughter.

My one big recommendation would be to find a course that focuses on realistic self defense. The course my children are in doesn’t teach things like jumping into the air for a kick because the sensei feels they’re a poor tactic. You lack control when you’re midair. These are the kinds of things you should consider.

My daughter, for example. Until she started school she had no concept of “girl can do x” versus “boys can do y”. It was wonderful!

Then she started coming home saying that girls couldn’t do certain things, or that some interests were only for boys. Sheer frustration for me! Exactly the kind of thinking I don’t want her to be trapped in.

That’s why I was quite delighted when her first sensei in karate was a woman. No chance for her to resist by saying it was for boys, even though she was one of only two girls in her class. This first sensei was also wonderfully strict with her, and quickly got my headstrong daughter to behave fairly well in class.

We moved, and started both my kids in a different class. She’s doing well in this one, but her male sensei is so far less strict with the students, and it shows in my daughter’s behavior. She wiggles all over the place and doesn’t put in quite the same effort.

How I hope he gets stricter now that she and her brother are yellow belts!

While some of this comes down to teaching style, you do also have to consider whether or not it has anything to do with a male vs. female teacher and how your daughter interacts with him or her. There can be a difference.

Certainly I tend to prefer a female if I am at all concerned that my daughter will start complaining that it’s an activity for boys. Having a woman teach her is a great way to break that objection. Suddenly she sees how much is possible for women in that sport.

On the other hand, some girls really do learn better from men. Just something in their personality.

Overall I try not to care overmuch whether it’s a man or a woman teaching my children, but if there’s a problem sometimes it can be as simple as reacting differently by the teacher’s gender.

The program’s pretty easy to deal with. The classes just meet once a week, so if kids want to progress they really have to practice at home. And yes, that is the most challenging part, especially for moms and dads with younger students who aren’t necessarily dedicated to practicing even though they want to achieve. Not that that describes MY angels, of course. Hey, what’s that over there?

The yellow belt in their class is the easy one to get. Sensei told them he almost never flunks student on a yellow belt test. Later tests, on the other hand….

Still, I think it does kids a world of good to take some form of karate. For my daughter it’s mostly about self discipline. She’s pretty wild at times. For my son it’s more about confidence, as he has the same kind of nearly crippling shyness that I suffered from as a child. I hope to help him deal with it younger than I managed it.

But some of my favorite memories come from when it helped me to realize that I wasn’t interested in being as cautious as the other girls in the game. There were the times we played on muddy fields and I could count on being able to get to the ball easily any time it flew into the muddy part of the field. Being almost the only player willing to get dirty was a huge advantage.

And of course getting the invitation to try out for a traveling team was a thrill, especially as my sister didn’t get one. That old competitive spirit! In a mostly nice way, but what siblings don’t enjoy one upping each other?

The most frustrating year was the one in which my mother was dragged into coaching. Not because she was a bad coach, but because almost none of the players on the team wanted to do so much as practice, or even attend practice. There was a reason why my reluctant mother ended up coaching. You try working with a team where neither the players nor their parents really care how things go.

But for the most part things were good most years as I played soccer. It was fun. It helped me, a very shy kid, have an outlet where I didn’t need to be shy. Didn’t stop the shyness, but it was a release when I played.

I didn’t get into soccer on my own growing up, for example. My youngest sister wanted to play and so my mother signed us both up. My opinion only had so much to do with it.

But I sure had fun!

My oldest daughter is a bit more into sports than I was some ways. Not in every way. Neither of us is really into watching a lot of sports on television, but I think a part of that for her has to do with her grandfather pushing for her to watch Sooners football on TV with him. If he’d push it less hard he might have a chance.

He also really pressures her about going to OU as he did, and that’s turning her away from that idea too. I’m sure college seems like a million years in the future to her 7 year old mind.

And that’s the thing. Pressure isn’t the way to go, or at least not excessive pressure.

When my daughter came home one day early in the school year with flyers for cheerleading and karate classes, and wanting to take cheerleading, I found a way to make her want karate more. Nothing against cheerleading (aside from the cost), but I’d rather she take a self defense course. She’d had a month of it before and really enjoyed it, so changing her mind was just a matter of pointing out that her brother was just old enough to take karate with her.

She also wants to play soccer someday. We’ll have to find a way to get that done eventually for her. It’s not currently the time of year for sign ups so for the moment there’s nothing to be done for it.

I’d just as cheerfully sign her up for dance or gymnastics if she wanted them and they were in the budget. She’s done both of those, around ages 3 and 4, when there really aren’t a lot of choices.

Sure, those are more classic female sports, but to me the first step is to get girls active and thinking as athletes. There’s a lot to learn from being athletic no matter the sport.

When you think of your daughter doing sports, listen to what she wants. If you have a preference of your own, say so, but remember to respect what interests her.

But encourage them to mix it up. Have them take ballet and basketball perhaps. Let them see that there is more to girls sports than the classics. They might just fall in love with a sport they hadn’t really known they could play.

Quite honestly, this drives me nuts. It’s not just that not all girls and women love pink. It’s the idea that something must be color coded to show that it’s for girls or women at all.

It’s particularly annoying when you’re talking about fan gear, shirts and such that have the team logo, but all in pink and white rather than the team colors. Frankly, if I’m going to buy such things I’d rather be showing the team colors. I don’t need to be all pink about it.

Encourage girls to enjoy sports and they won’t need to have it all pinkified for it to be fun for them. They’ll love it because they love the sport, whichever sport it is. The color of the equipment, team logos and so forth won’t enter into it so much.

Calling a girls’ team the “Lady Whatevers” is annoying too. Girls in sports probably aren’t too concerned with being “ladies”. They’re girls having fun doing something they love. Their team name doesn’t need to identify their gender. You’re not going to see a boys’ team name the “Gentlemen Whatevers” or anything like that.

I know that in many cases the boys’ team is effectively considered the default. After all, for a long time girls were very limited in the sports they could play. That doesn’t mean we need to continue separating the girls by adding “Lady” to their team name. It’s hard enough for women in sports to be taken seriously without the team name adding to the problem.